Paste number 12990: George Saunders on the media

Paste number 12990: George Saunders on the media
Pasted by: AaronSw
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“Ah jeez!” said Phil’s mother. “Them idiots again. Them idiots are out there every night.”

“SUN CONTINUES TO SHINE!” someone shouted from outside.

“STREETS CONTINUE TO RUN RELATIVELY STRAIGHT!” shouted someone else.

“I think that’s maybe why the cat died,” Phil’s mother said. “All that loud talking. Hey shaddap! Shaddap for once!”

“BUG CARRIES BREAD CRUMB!” someone shouted. “OTHER BUGS LOOK ON IN AWED SILENCE!”

“WATER RUNS DOWNHILL TOWARDS SEWER!” someone else shouted.

“AIR CONTINUES TO FLOAT AROUND BEING BREATHED BY MANY!” shouted a third voice.

Looking out the window, Phil saw three terrifically handsome, well-groomed, very squat men, with detachable megaphones growing out of their clavicles.

“MAN LOOKS OUT WINDOW AT THREE STRANGERS IN STREET!” shouted the first little man.

“What are you guys doing?” asked Phil.

“MAN ASKS QUESTION, EXPECTS ANSWER!” said the second little man.

“MAJOR MEDIA FIGURES PREPARE TO ANSWER!” said the first man.

“IS THE MEDIA HELD TOO MUCH ACCOUNTABLE?” shouted the third.

“We’re with the media,” said the first man in a normal tone of voice that issued not from the megaphone but from a toothy smile near his rear end.

“MEDIA FIGURE ANSWERS QUESTION IN NORMAL TONE OF VOICE!” shouted the third man.

“Not much happening out here,” said the first man. “So we’re just, ah, practicing.”

“In case something does someday happen,” said the second little man.

 “SKY CONTINUES TO REMAIN BLUE AS DAY PROCEEDS!” said the third little man.

“Good one,” said the second.

“I felt that was an important issue,” said the third little man.

“MAJOR MEDIA FIGURE COMPLIMENTED BY SECOND MAJOR MEDIA FIGURE!” said the first little man.

“MAJOR MEDIA FIGURE ANNOUNCES COMPLIMENTING OF MAJOR MEDIA FIGURE BY SECOND MEDIA FIGURE!” shouted the third little man.

“IS THE MEDIA TOO FOCUSED ON THE MEDIA?” shouted the second little man.

“DOG PEES ON SHRUB, LOOKS ASKANCE AT OWN REAR!” shouted the first little man.

“Tell them to shaddap!” said Phil’s mother.

(George Saunders, _The Brief and Terrible Reign of Phil_)

from http://reignofphil.com/outtake1.html

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